I shall not obsess...I shall not obsess...

It's hard not to think about my imminent surgery, though to be honest, I'm really not obsessing. I think I'm preparing - starting to try and think about eating differently both in terms of what I eat and how I eat. There are "bandster rules" you know...well, perhaps you don't know. Here they are, and they're on my mind - because most are way different than how I am today:

1. Never drink when you eat - First, doing so allows you to eat more food as you create a slurrey effect and push food through your pouch (that's the lingo for your "new" small stomach, about the size of an egg) faster allowing you to eat more (and lose less). Secondly, once your pouch is full, liquid can't get past the solids...which means it returns to it's place of origin (you spit up).

2. Chew your food insanely - Chew, chew and then when you can't imagine chewing anymore, chew more. Stuckage is an issue...so the more you chew, the less 'discomfort' (spitting up) you'll endure.

3. Cut your food into small bites, and eat as slow as molasses - You should never finish your whopping 1 cup of food in less than 20-30 minutes. Good lord! Today I slam a big fat burrito in 1/2 that time. Big changes (no pun intended).

4. Nothing carbonated, ever - This sucks. No Diet Pepsi, no Champagne...apparently, due to the small size of my pouch, the bubbles will feel very bad. Ouch. So, my plan is to try it once, like everyone does, and then be in pain, and then never do it again. Some people are ok with it, but I'm banking that I won't be...perhaps I'll be pleasantly surprised.

5. Know what you eat - Journal, follow a routine, whatever, but mind your protein intake (goal: 70-80 grams/day! holy cats!) and calorie goal (initially, mine is a mere 800 calories - again, that burrito mentioned earlier? 900 calories on its own...).

6. Eat whatever you want, but watch out! - Bread, tough meat, things that can ball up, get stuck or that are too fiberous are to be avoided - or they'll avoid you (spit up). White bread, well-done NY Strip, celery...these are things that across the board folks struggle with. That said, a nice rare Filet Mignon will likely go well, as will toasted grainey breads and plenty of veggies go down just fine (celery obviously isn't my lifeline, as evidenced by the width of my ass).

7. Avoid Liquid Calories - No matter how tight your band is, a milkshake, chocolate bar, mocha, etc. will slide on through. Ideally, outside of protein shakes, liquid calories are a rip-off. Spend those precious calories on foods that will fill up your pouch/fill up you!

8. For the love of God, be PATIENT - Bandsters, that is, those with a lap-band, tend to lose 1-2 pounds/week. That's right - after a year I may only have lost 52 pounds. The band works via restriction alone - that is, no malabsorption occurs in this WLS method - so the loss is slower. The band restricts more as it gets filled, and it can take 3-5 fills to hit your "sweet spot" of losing that 1-2 pounds/week - and fills are at least 6 weeks apart! It could be months before I'm truly clicking along. I'll be patient with myself, but for my audience: Please don't expect me to shrink by Christmas. I imagine I'll post a decent loss by then, but you never know...

So, feel free to kick my aforementioned wide ass if I get annoyingly obsessive about this whole thing. Well, actually, give me a month - a month once I start eating real food at the end of September - to figure things out. I'll put a little note on my calendar to shut my pie-hole on Halloween. Until then though, tell me if I'm annoying you and I will pick someone else to annoy instead.