Monday, March 27, 2006

Quick Update

Hi all! Just a quick note to say hello. I really have not vaporized (just yet ;)

My weight is about the same, though I do seem to be shifting. I bought a Size 14 pair of jeans yesterday! (Granted, the khaki's I got were 16...lighter color, less forgiving). Holy crap though- and I also got a slew of Size L shirts. This is still shocking to me.

I'm off to Europe on Saturday and looking forward to it. Got a bunch of last minute things this weekend and still have the really, really last minute things to go. I wish I had been able to get it together to lob off the 15 pounds I'd hoped to if only to be able to shop and buy cool clothes whilst across the pond; however, I suppose still requiring larger sizes (for the most part) will protect my wallet a bit. (Though, handbags, shoes and jewerly aren't specific to skinny people...which is problematic for the checking account).

Otherwise, I'm eating ok - having PMS tightness as expected this month, resulting in about 5 days straight of minor to major PBs. Sucks, but it was expected...and it'll be over with soon enough. Exercise is good too - walking 50-60 minutes each morning, and sometimes an added hours around the lake in the afternoon! I've been seeing my trainer 1x/week but haven't really been doing it otherwise. Post-Europe, I want to keep walking a few days/week and then work in gym days 2-4x/week that will involve both cardio and lifting. And of course, Danskin is coming! I will be starting to bike and swim as well upon my return. Ug!

That's the quickie update - sorry for continually disappearing. A lot going on otherwise which I just don't have the energy or need to really go into here. Know that I'm focusing on myself and while at times I feel really, really bad - at others, I feel like my life is going in the right direction and I'm crazily happy and content. So the plan for now is to just carry on!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

6-Month Post-Op Report - Down 58.5 Pounds

I know I am a few days late, but here is my 6-month post. Today I saw my surgeon and after taking a good month "off," I found that I had lost just 1.5 pounds in the past month...according to my his scale. Horrifying? Not at all. I didn't do anything to lose weight in the last month - I took weeks off from the gym, ate ok but certainly not ideally. I went in fully expecting to gain 5 pounds or so, and had even prepared myself emotionally for this news. Losing 1.5 was a thrill!!! I'm not doing photos this time since not much happened...

What's funny is how fat I feel right now...yet I'm skinnier than I was a month ago - all because I haven't been working at it. Those who know me know this is a metaphor for my life - it's hard for me to take credit or feel good about anything unless I'm working my ass off. And I suppose the metaphorical lesson here is that you can relax and let things unfold naturally you still will get where you're trying to go (maybe not as fast, but what's the hurry?)...

For the past few weeks, instead of going to the gym I've instead been going on 1-hour walks in the morning. It's been delightful! Even though it's Seattle, most mornings have been rain-free. It's amazing how fresh air and sunshine can keep ya going. I'm headed to Europe for 2+ weeks soon, so I wanted to be ready for all the walking! Plus, I needed a change but wanted to keep exercising and this worked out great. For now, I plan to keep up the walks until my trip on April 1st, and then when I return getting a good plan for the gym in order to be ready for Danskin.

Sorry for my continued absence here - life got a little heavy unexpectedly; however, things ebb and flow so with that in mind, it ought to lighten up soon so I should be around more. Plus, I am taking my iBook to Europe with me so hopefully I'll be posting a bit from there, with a goal of writing here about weight-related stuff while traveling.

Oh, and by the way, I weight 199.5. Holy shit.

Hope everyone is doing well!

Monday, March 06, 2006

Danskin Tri

The Danskin registration opened up today! I signed up - yikes!!! Who's with me????

:) Just do it!

Sunday, March 05, 2006


Yes, two posts in a day. If you know me you know I have a tendency toward the extreme, though I work to temper it. However, in the here & now I was reminded of a topic I wanted to post.

So, I'm working to amp up my t-shirt collection. Why? Couple reasons:
1) They actually make t-shirts that fit me now!
2) It's a hip look, the t-shirt over the long-sleeved shirt; I like it when I'm going for my sporty-spice look.
3) Sometimes it's hot when I go out dancing, they work.
4) The ole'rack looks pretty good in 'em, I must say.
5) There are days I just don't want to work that hard, and it's easy to look ok in a t-shirt & jeans provided both are cool...

Which leads me to my dilemma. So far I have three t-shirts in my little collection. Two are cute and fitted, one is a Nada Surf shirt, a band that I like (it's a little bigger, but still cool and yesterday, got me some good flirtin' with a random barista who missed the show! another plus of the cool t-shirt...conversation starters).

So this week for work I had to go to Cupcake Royale to pick up cupcakes for a baby shower. They have t-shirts with their very cute logo and cool, very, very "jenn" colors (pink on brown! my palette!). I was all set to add t-shirt #4 to my collection when it dawned on me...

I'm not skinny. Yet.

Fat girl wearing shirt with food on it - that's a no-no - but not just any food, but a fattening, decadent, egregious cupcake, for the love of god? It feels like an invitation to taunts, whether spoken or not. So I didn't buy the gawd'damn thing. In terms of my dress/style, I feel more put together and fashionable than I ever have. But apparently, I'm still not able to shake the fact that I'm still an XL, a 16, 200ish pounds...and not yet able to wear a 'food' shirt without fearing judgment. Alas. Perhaps some month in the future I'll take my photos for y'all in a Cupcake Royale t-shirt - then you'll know I'm over this hump.

Ok, ok, - I give. I know I keep disappearing and I am honestly sorry about it. I've been taking a little hiatus as mentioned in my last post - a break from working so hard at losing weight. It's been a nice breather, but I'm getting back on track now. Exercised the last 4 days in a row (thanks ck, for the help getting it back) and made a few bargains with myself to keep at it. Somehow, these little deals & contracts work for me (i.e., dessert is ok 2x/week; no workout = no go out, etc.). It's just hard to keep at it relentlessly without shaking it up.

I haven't weighed myself in ages, but last time I was holding steady - I doubt that's changed at all. But we'll see soon enough & I'll keep you posted. One thing that has been strange is that I've struggled to accept compliments from people regarding my weight loss while on my break. It's like I don't deserve any kudos since I'm really not working at it right now....strange, lame and true. I suppose it's still nice when people notice, but I feel like a little bit of a fraud for taking a compliment that I feel like I don't deserve - no lectures needed - I know I deserve it, blah, blah - it's just right now they make me feel a little awkward. But hey, now that I'm getting back to it, perhaps I'll be more receptive to these comments.

Otherwise, not too much else to report. I think most of you know I taking writing classes at Bent . After class last week I went for a drink with a classmate who totally inspired me to finally, and I mean FINALLY, write my 'fat piece.' I've been trying to write a piece about my experience being fat that captures the feelings I've had about it in the past, but presents them in a way that shows I'm in a different place now. I'm still tweaking, but I'm pretty happy with it so far. I'm hoping to read it at the next spoken word night I go to in May...but we'll see. Pretty risky putting yourself out there like that! Once I finish, I will either (1) post it (this is unlikely) or (2) give you a email address to write to if you'd like to see it. I'm happy to share, but posting it...not so sure. Maybe an excerpt, when the time comes.

Hope all are well, sorry again for disappearing - just know I'm focusing on myself and it's good!