Have I Arrived?

I have been asking myself this question a lot lately, with my new focus on a non-numbers-ruled life. When does it make sense to say, "Yep, I'm here!" and move on in life, vs. when does it make sense to be vigilant and keep pushing. This is where climbing an actual mountain does have appeal: You hit the top, there is no place else to go, so you turn around, go down - having indeed, "arrived."

So, for example, today I went to yoga - twice. I went to Hot Power Vinyasa with Saiko this morning with Jill for an ass-kicking 10 a.m. class that more than got me my money's worth. I can pretty much hold my own in Power now; I can do all the Planks and side planks and even Wheel (basically a backbend you pop up into from the floor), which I did 3 times, holding to a count of 10 the third time. I watch skinny girls all around me who aren't strong enough or lack the stamina; I'm not dissing them - as some days, I am one of "them" - but my point being, I am, generally speaking, strong, capable, focused and disciplined at this practice.

Then, later in the day, at 4 p.m. after Jill got called into work unexpectedly, I decided to hit a Bikram class at my usual studio - again with Saiko, so it was a sure thing in terms of quality. I did the yogic thing and had no expectations, just promised myself to take it one posture at a time. And guess what? I had a great practice, just nice, good flow and I even held Camel for a full minute in the second set (a little treat she pops in when the class is full of regulars who, as she says, "can handle it") - which I love! Again though, maybe 4 of us did it to the end, the other 20 or so coming out early. No dissing, no comparing really - it's just to say I am again capable, disciplined and seemingly strong and determined enough to get it done.

So let's look at the big picture of Jenn (no pun intended). 

• Size 8 or 10, certainly not fat in a way that stands out in a crowd any longer; yeah, still kinda a "big girl" but honestly, even in boutique fare I'm usually a Medium. So maybe I'm a "medium girl..." 
  
• I can exercise in 105 degrees for 3 hours in a day, and do it well with discipline and success (mostly :)
  
• No health issues to speak of, knock on wood
• Loads of energy, stamina and general happiness with myself and my life, and, in some moments, my body

Isn't this enough??

But here again is my glitch: The scale doesn't say I've arrived. And so I will carry on, but I'm working super hard to hold the above truths in the forefront of my thinking, rather than dismissing them with "yeah, but I still weigh...xxx." 

So that the scale is one factor of many; rather than the only factor. Let's be yogic about it - Bikram yoga has 26 postures, if you can't do one well, does that mean your whole practice is shit? No way! It means you have one area to work on (er, or a few, in most of our cases). So I can't always kick out in Standing Head to Knee; but that has no impact on my ability to do say, Cobra. My notion, having come to me as I type this, is to consider the scale a posture, and keep it in perspective that there are 25 others that I ought to consider in the mix of my weight loss success. And rarely, RARELY, is anyone perfect at all 26. Again, Bikram says, "you get the full benefit of a posture by trying to do it 100% correctly" - so I'm going to keep trying to get my weight "100% correct" and know that many other things are already there!

We'll see where it goes! Overall, I don't want to give an impression that I'm miserable with myself; I think me and the shrink are just working hard on these last few things before I end seeing her, and with that, I'm thinking and focusing on our topics a lot so as to be as productive as possible.

On a totally separate note - Jill and I are going to Mexico on Sunday (next)! It was a semi-impromptu decision based on (a) her stress level lately and (b) her biz partner is about to have a baby, whereby she will be tethered to her coffee shop for a good few months. 

Maybe you'll even be treated to a pic of me in a bathing suit! We'll see how brave I am. Hmmm...if I can post a pic of me in a 2-piece here, perhaps that will indicate I have arrived :)