Rewarding Yourself

One of the things I've been doing a lot of lately is rewarding myself. I think it's hard to figure our how to do this when you're a fat girl inside - c'mon, we've always used food as a reward, right?!? But I think along the way I've done a good job of milestone rewards that have made me feel good & happy & proud of myself. Sometimes the reward is around a specific number on the scale, sometimes a timeline (I worked out 10 days in a row), and sometimes it's just a general "Hey, I rock. I'm doing this for myself." Here's some of what I've done at different stages:

- New haircut - change it up! don't be afraid - I've gotten as many compliments on my new hair as I have on my weight loss, I swear it!
- Clothes - this is a big one since you know you won't be wearing it for long...but still
- Accessories - shoes, bags, jewelry - things you won't shrink out of - a good $pend :)
- Spa appointments - I'm not too proud to drop a little $ at the spa and feel the love
- Mini-getaways - Go someplace new where you just get to be YOU and not "jenn who was fat before..."
- Breathers

Breathers? What's this? Well, this sort of maps to where I am right now so I thought I'd spend a moment on this one. Think about it: When you're charging to a long-term goal it's exhausting. Like running a marathon, there are these moments where you're flying along and others where you feel like you will topple over in 4 more paces. I think I'm feeling like I'm going to topple over in terms of driving so hard to lose weight. So, I am giving myself a breather! This is why I haven't posted in a while, have taken to walks around the lake rather than the gym, have relaxed my eating a little (not in a bad way, just not focusing on it so vigilantly).

Overall, I am sort of taking a little 'vacation' from my own personal weight-loss marathon.

For me, it's proven to be a good decision. I'd rather slow down a little than topple over completely, no? And it's allowing me to focus on some other things that matter a lot: my job, my writing and dating...these all require energy out of me too, and one only has so much gas in the tank. I feel fantastic where I'm at right now, and I have total faith that I will reach my goal in good time. I just think taking a few weeks off is a good pacing break. For me it is anyhow....so, I might post again tomorrow...or in a week...I'm stepping out of the drivers seat for a little bit is all and hopping on the bus instead; not as fast or direct, but it'll get me there.

5-Month Bandiversary

Time flies! Today is 5 months since I got my lap-band! Including the pre-op diet, I've lost a total of 57 pounds as of this morning! I am two pounds...a mere 8 sticks of butter...from Onederland! I'm really excited for this, but after a big drop this week (partially due to lack of appetite due to my cold/flu), I don't expect to see further loss for a little bit while my body catches up. No complaints though - considering I weighed 258 at the start of my pre-op diet, and 262 back in June - I'm thrilled with my progress! View my 5-month photos here.




Other noteworthy comments:

- My blood pressure was 102/70 this week
- My resting heart rate was 60
- I'm wearing a size 16 on the bottom in most brands, and a 14/16 or a regular'ole XL or even L on top!
- I feel much, much better!
- I have good restriction and other than around my period, it's not too tight.
- I still struggle sometimes to eat well and eat right, but mostly I do ok and am comfortable with the overall life change.
- It's not a total walk in the park, but it's easier than any diet or other weight-loss program I did before - and I don't hate it at all, whereas those diets, programs, etc. *I hated*

My big goal is to be at 185 by April 1st - that's 15 pounds in about 6 weeks - lofty and likely not doable, as my pattern seems to be lose 10 one month, 6 the next, then 10, then 6 or 7...so we'll see where I land!

Well, Hot Damn.

First, before we get on to the 'hot damn' part of the post, did y'all see the new link I posted to plus-sized workout garb? http://www.ladiesonlysports.com/plussizcomso.html Now, to the non-WLS people who read this - allow me to explain. The workout world assumes that if you're plus-size, you don't work out. Ok, somewhat safe assumption; however, how the hell are we supposed to not be plus size any longer if when we go to work out, we've got nothing to wear to the freakin' gym?!?!? So, gawd-bless these folks - up to size 6XL! Check it out ladies!

Ok, now for the fun part. I went to my surgeon today figuring I'd lost about 6 pounds since my last fill. I've had the flu since Wednesday (yeah, I was trying to diminish it by calling it a cold) so I haven't weighed in for days. (Though, I did work out Wednesday, and walked around greenlake (3 miles) both yesterday & today). I digress. Imagine.

Ok, so since my last fill, I lost 10 pounds!!!! How about that - I weighed in on his scale at 204.9; and typically I'm 1-3 lbs. more there than at the gym - which is what I use as my gauge. Now, my official-naked-at-the-gym-on-an-empty-stomach 5-month bandiversary weigh-in is on Sunday; this number will be less than 10 for sure (my monthly doc appts. are not synched up with my surgery anniversary exactly). But nonetheless, by my surgeon's account I'm at a total loss of 53, and he's thrilled. It was a nice surprise.

I'm about 4-5 pounds from Onederland, and I want to sew my mouth shut for a couple days to get there sooner, but I know I just have to be patient! My trip comes up on April 1st - I had a lofty goal of being at 185 by then, likely not going to happen - though, really, I'd be thrilled at 190, and happy at 195. So, we'll see where I land. Sunday is picture day! I'm sort of excited to see them now that I know something solid happened.

Perspective

Way back when, I used to eat this locally-made granola (which you can buy on Amazon.com now). It was seriously calorie-dense - 230 per 1/3 c. - but I loved it so it was ok. I was always starving though and people at work would say, "you're just eating that itty lil' bit of granola?" Well, I was making some space for my roommate Kel in the cupboards and came upon an unopened package of the said granola. I've had a rotten cold and have worked at home for the past couple days, so I've had to improvise food since I hadn't planned on being here. For breakfast I had 1/3 c. granola with 1/2 c. yogurt (which I stole from the aforementioned roommate) - total calories about 330, fine for breakfast (though low on protein in the scheme of it all...). Here's what was funny: I felt like I was eating a ton of food! It was so yummy, satisfying and plenty of food. This is exactly how it is supposed to work, but I'm still continually surprised...

And then at lunch, I had on of my "emergency" frozen meals from Whole Foods. It was Chicken Tikka, and the whole container was 490 calories but I'd already figured there was no way I was going to eat the 1 c. of rice on the left side of the little plastic tray. So, I planned to eat the chicken, sauce and about 1/4 c. of rice (and tossed the rest). Again, figured it'd be about 300-350 calories, just fine for lunch...but the funny part was I couldn't even finish what I set out to eat! I had to put about 1/2 c. of the chicken/sauce/rice in the fridge. It's shocking to me every time.

For dinner, I had 5 vegetarian "chicken wings" which are essentialy spicey chicken nuggets in the shape of a baby drumstick. Silly. I dipped them in a little blue cheese dressing or BBQ sauce. About 250 calories here. And I was full. Shame on me, I know, for not having any veggies. I've been horrible about that and it's shocking to me since I love veggies so much...

Today though is my 5-month surgeon appointment along with a check-in with my nutritionist. It's always good to hit the 'reset' button with these monthly visits - plus, it's proven that those who show up each month for follow-up lose a lot more weight, more quickly, than those who don't. More to come - Sunday is my official 5-month!

p.s. Thanks to all for your nice replies to my last post. I appreciate that you all enjoy reading my stuff and I will try to post even when it feels perhaps a bit dull to do so - just so you know I'm alive & kickin' :)

Who'dat?

My friend Mikey took this photo of me at work yesterday. I had to look at it for a while and found myself wondering, "Who is that?" It's just funny how much I've changed in the last 5 months. Shocking really - but good. I've popped in a photo of me at my highest weight of (horror) 262 last June for comparison.

Apologies for my lack of posting. I think when the scale isn't moving I sort of feel like a fraud posting away about how nothing is happening! I know, I'm being silly, but it's true. Since the scale is stuck around 206, I'll just tell ya about a few NSVs to raise my spirits and remind us all that it's not all about the number!

1) My sister Kate gave me back a pair of pants in December that I had worn last time I had gotten 'skinny' back 6 or 7 years ago. I tried them on at xmas and they were tight on 'the kid' (you know, that lovely lower abdominal fat roll). So, I tried again in mid-January and they were still too tight. Popped'em on last week and found that I'd missed the window! Now they're too big. So there.

2) Just had my 3rd session with the trainer this morning. He's a fantastic guy and really is helping me keep it real, achieveable and productive. I only lift one other day (Sat. or Sun., whenever I feel like it) - it feels easy and doable, but boy the ole'bod hurts so I know something is happening in there! Plus, it's just nice to not spend the whole time on the elliptical, despite my love for it.

3) I think I put together that my insane tightness was likely not fill-related! So, two months ago during PMS time I got insanely tight for about 4 days. Last month though, nuthin' - PMS was just fine. However, when I got me'ole monthly pal on Saturday I put it all together!!! It seems that one ovary has a PMS perscription that involves more bloat (hence, tightness) and a rougher PMS time followed up with an 'easy' period. The other ovary is kind in the PMS regard but brutal when it comes to the actual period. So, now I know - and if I'm freaking out over insane tightness in April, feel free to remind me that it's just my cranky ovary squeezing my band.

4) The Steelers won the Superbowl! Now, how is this an NSV? Well, I figure I had my heart rate up for an additional 3 hours this week as a result of that game, whipping my Terrible Towel around and just generally having several heart attacks throughout it. (Yes, I live in Seattle, and yes, you read correctly, I am a Steelers fan - originally from PA).

My 5-month anniversary is on Sunday, so expect updated photos within a few days. As usual I feel like I look exactly the same, but photos don't lie, which is why I do it. Plus, it is fun to see the transformation, no?

p.s. Update on my sister Megan, who is coming up on her 1 month bandiversary on the 16th: she was down 18 pounds at her 1 week appointment (pre/post op losses combined) and is quite pleased with the growing gap on the waistline of her pants. Her first fill is at the end of February, and she's in the "crap, my hunger is back" stage but is sticking to her guns, following the rules and holding out for her fill. Go Meggie!!!! :)