Well Hello There!

My, I didn't realize it's been 2 months since I posted. Summer flies by here in the northwest, particularly August/September, as they are by far our nicest months. Though, since we had an incredible summer overall, it seems I've been busy for eons!

Anyhow, let me update y'all. I had an additional fill after that last one back up to 1.8 - I feel like I did before the "incident" (being way too tight) back in May. Jill says, from her view, this is how I used to be - having to eat really slow, getting stuck a couple times a week, minimal/rare PB's... It's again a reminder that the band is a tool, not a solution - and when you use it, it works. So I'm glad to be tight enough to know my tool is charged, I just need to keep it engaged!

The thing I've noticed lately - to the hilt - is that unfortunately, the weight loss battle continues. However, I feel like I've got someone on my side, my Band, that is, and unlike before when I would have yet another "last supper" and start another diet or fad or whatever, now when I really reset, I know I will see results. That is worth a lot! If struggling with food and weight can't disappear completely, I can sit happily knowing that I now feel 'normal' - that is, if I eat right and exercise, I will reach/maintain a healthy weight. Pre-band, I did not believe this (nor was it true). Not to discourage anyone new to the band or thinking about it - I wouldn't change it! But I do remember way back when, sitting there in JennyJudgment-ville thinking "oh, c'mon, it can't be that hard now that you've had surgery" or "oh, you must be cheating" or "I certainly won't be dieting! Plu-leeze!" ..."I won't settle in at 165 or 180!" Well, let me tell you a few things....having just reached my two year bandiversary last week...

- I still struggle. I will not tell a lie.
- I feel like I have a safety net now, and I can engage it as I choose - and frankly, I sometimes wish I chose to more often; or that I had over the past year anyhow.
- Routine helps!!! I found it way easier to lose weight when I worked 8-5 M-F, and was single and thus creating routine and filling up time with things like the gym, walking around the lake with friends/dates/myself, etc. and eating at home. I'm in the midst of making new routines now so I can feel that security and success again within the new set-up of being self-employed and having a girlfriend.
- Old habits die hard, and I have to fight my desires for sugar, chocolate, liquid calories (coffees, alcohol, etc.)
- Snacking will do you in, even on healthy foods like nuts, cheese, crackers etc. - 200 extra calories will halt weight loss, and that is not much food.
- I love my band. There are things about it that are a bummer, but overall, it is a very good thing and I wouldn't change it!

So, mea culpa: I am still hanging out at a weight I can barely write here but I am going to: 178-180. I have been there since I got back from Europe in June. Am I a loser? Kinda. But am I happy here? Well, kinda. Here's the thing: I had been trying to decide what is a good weight for me for a while, whether perhaps this weight was ok... I still had my goal of 155, which I set randomly way back when, based on my sister Julie who is gorgeous and lovely and who weighs about that. We have similar bodies otherwise, so it seemed a good goal. In thinking about staying where I am, I realized that man - I weigh a mere 23 pounds over my 'dream weight' - and how lame is it not to complete the process?? Well, again, kinda lame. For me, anyhow. So I decided to charge ahead, even though overall, I really dig my body as it is - but I don't like being on the edge of an unhealthy weight, nor knowing if I gain 5 pounds I start to get into way scary territory.

In order to conquer the balance, and keep me accountable and focused, I actually went out and joined Weight Watchers on Monday. Weekly meetings and weigh-ins will help with routine and focus. I know - bandsters reading this are saying one of a few things (I used to): "Lame." or "That'll never be me! I'm done with all that dieting crap" or "Shame on you for not just following the rules and doing it right." Or worse. And in some cases (probably longer-term bandsters): "You go girl, do what you need to..." - and honestly, over the past 2 years I've sat in judgment of other people doing diets or things like this, so I know - and the judgment was really just a manifestation of my own fear of being that person. And now I am, and it's ok! This is not irreparable damage.

That's my update - I feel a little scattered about it all, but fortunately, Jill and I are going to be living together soon! :) This helps with routine a lot! We've spent the last few weeks re-facing my house (paint, furniture, windows, etc.) in an effort to make it ours - she'll be moving in over the next month or so. The nice thing has been eating at home! When we were alternating houses, it seemed to hard - over the past few weeks, we've been eating at home and lucky for me - I found a girl who is happy to forgo the carbs, and who generally eats about as much as me (maybe a few more bites). So she is fine eating 4 ounces of fish on top of a bed of veggies; or marinated chicken strips with homemade tzatziki sauce with olives, tomatoes and broccoli. This helps too!

I'll try not to stay away so long this time. Hope everyone is doing well! I appreciate the emails and comments reminding me to come back here! :)