Who'dat?

My friend Mikey took this photo of me at work yesterday. I had to look at it for a while and found myself wondering, "Who is that?" It's just funny how much I've changed in the last 5 months. Shocking really - but good. I've popped in a photo of me at my highest weight of (horror) 262 last June for comparison.

Apologies for my lack of posting. I think when the scale isn't moving I sort of feel like a fraud posting away about how nothing is happening! I know, I'm being silly, but it's true. Since the scale is stuck around 206, I'll just tell ya about a few NSVs to raise my spirits and remind us all that it's not all about the number!

1) My sister Kate gave me back a pair of pants in December that I had worn last time I had gotten 'skinny' back 6 or 7 years ago. I tried them on at xmas and they were tight on 'the kid' (you know, that lovely lower abdominal fat roll). So, I tried again in mid-January and they were still too tight. Popped'em on last week and found that I'd missed the window! Now they're too big. So there.

2) Just had my 3rd session with the trainer this morning. He's a fantastic guy and really is helping me keep it real, achieveable and productive. I only lift one other day (Sat. or Sun., whenever I feel like it) - it feels easy and doable, but boy the ole'bod hurts so I know something is happening in there! Plus, it's just nice to not spend the whole time on the elliptical, despite my love for it.

3) I think I put together that my insane tightness was likely not fill-related! So, two months ago during PMS time I got insanely tight for about 4 days. Last month though, nuthin' - PMS was just fine. However, when I got me'ole monthly pal on Saturday I put it all together!!! It seems that one ovary has a PMS perscription that involves more bloat (hence, tightness) and a rougher PMS time followed up with an 'easy' period. The other ovary is kind in the PMS regard but brutal when it comes to the actual period. So, now I know - and if I'm freaking out over insane tightness in April, feel free to remind me that it's just my cranky ovary squeezing my band.

4) The Steelers won the Superbowl! Now, how is this an NSV? Well, I figure I had my heart rate up for an additional 3 hours this week as a result of that game, whipping my Terrible Towel around and just generally having several heart attacks throughout it. (Yes, I live in Seattle, and yes, you read correctly, I am a Steelers fan - originally from PA).

My 5-month anniversary is on Sunday, so expect updated photos within a few days. As usual I feel like I look exactly the same, but photos don't lie, which is why I do it. Plus, it is fun to see the transformation, no?

p.s. Update on my sister Megan, who is coming up on her 1 month bandiversary on the 16th: she was down 18 pounds at her 1 week appointment (pre/post op losses combined) and is quite pleased with the growing gap on the waistline of her pants. Her first fill is at the end of February, and she's in the "crap, my hunger is back" stage but is sticking to her guns, following the rules and holding out for her fill. Go Meggie!!!! :)

Good Work People!

I just wanted to say good work on the prior post people! Indeed, my two key points were (1) I fit in the seat in the first place and (2) the copious amount of slack on the belt! Luckily, I've never needed a seatbelt extension - however, I've practically stood up in the seat and hooked the belt down around my legs and then stuffed myself into it in order to avoid the extension...

Last weekend I hung out in Santa Cruz & San Francisco and had a great time! I caught my relfection a couple times in store windows and hardly recognized myself. It's funny how just changing the environment around you allows you to see yourself differently - likely why people make many sweeping changes in their lives all at once.

Eating is going a bit better, though I'm being a little nuts about it all...I'm still monitoring things and figure I'll address the whole thing with my surgeon at my next regular appointment (mid-feb.). The issue is this basically: before, I could eat about anything, though in limited quantities, but I could still eat in a way that felt, well, normal. Now, I'm forced to eat ridiculously slow (like, 45 minutes to eat 4 oz. of fish and 1/2 cup of brussel sprouts) or I feel stuck after 5 bites of runny oatmeal in the a.m. I'll admit, this is hard and is kind of sucking - though, until I hit the goal weight, I'm willing to endure what it takes. I'm just hoping to have things level out soon.

No new weight loss to report, but I had a quick drop just then, so no worries on that. Hope everyone is well! Thanks & welcome to all the new folks who are reading :)

Ok WLS Folks...

What is significant about this self-portrait of me on an airplane? :)

Too much fill?

So this fill has officially 'kicked in' - I don't think I've eaten a meal since this weekend that actually was easy to eat. It's taking me about an hour to eat 1/2 c. of hot cereal...not that it stays hot, of course...I eat and I just feel, well, backed up - and it doesn't take much to illicit a hearty PB - only 2 serious ones this week, but many sliming incidents too. It's a little exhausting, but without a doubt I think this may be true restriction on the highest order.

So, you're thinking - 'fabu Jenn! you shall have the pounds melt off!' - but not so young grasshopper. What is true is this: I have only been able to eat maybe 4 or 5 bites of solid food before I feel stuck and/or start getting slimey. So I stop. And then I get hungry in an hour or two, since I've really not eaten, and then eat something soft & easy. "Soft Food Syndrome" as they call it in lap-band land, is when you can't get solids down and switch to soft foods and liquids - which are significantly more calorie dense than solid food. When this happens, people actually gain weight, despite having more restriction. Not good. Big fear. Uncool. Double non-bonus: I'm focusing on eating my protein first so I don't go bald, and that means minimal veggies or grains...which equals minimal, uh, fiber. And we'll leave it at that.

I'm going to give it a little more time and see what unfolds - I'm at 2cc's in my 4cc band. In the meantime, I'm taking a good hour to eat insanely small portions of food just to be safe, which is plum exhausting - way more to think about than I'd like - not to mention sometimes one doesn't really have a whole hour to eat 1/2 c. of chicken salad. Don't get me wrong - it's not utter misery or anything - and maybe I just have to get used to it, another adjustment (figuratively & literally). I'll keep you posted...of course, if any bandsters out there have thoughts, please advise.

p.s. On an upside, I started working out with a trainer this week! Ouch, but yay!

Sometimes, I just don't want to know...

I think sometimes I honestly avoid the scale because I just don't want to know. I can clearly tell and feel when I'm losing weight - and when I'm not. Not like I'm going to blow up over night, but it's been a little challenging lately (emotionally) as lots has been going on for me and I'll admit, I've been eating out and um, drinking out just a bit. I'm sure all is not lost - it's just awesome when you can feel the weight falling off of you and cheerfully jump on the scale without hesitation.

In other news, I had the most wicked PB ever last night. Sweet mary, I thought I was going to die - and I have to say, it was, as usual, 100% user error. I ate about 1/2 cup of pasta lubed up with a little butter...and as evidenced by what I saw later, I didn't chew very well. This was, however, the first time a PB grossed me out to the point where I got nauseated and actually vomited (though nothing came up). Of course as I'm dry-heaving I'm panicking totally that my lap-band will dislodge or slip and I'm trying to do all vomit-avoidance techniques I employed when I drank too much back in college (count from 100 backwards, have a piece of hard candy, 'choose' not to vomit - just say no, etc.)...nothing worked. But, the whole gruesome ordeal did end eventually, but man it sucked. And it's so lame when it was all my fault. For shame.

Two-Oh!

It's quite nice to be in the two-oh's...that is, two-oh-six as of today - a total loss of 52 pounds. This explains my feeling skinny; it's not just a feeling - it seems to be a reality. Since last Wednesday's fill, the scale has shown a loss of 5 pounds...after a 3-weekish holiday drought, this is excellent news. What's more interesting to me is that I could actually see it before it was 'proven' on the scale. Now there's a good time!

The next big goal of course is to reach Onederland - yes, another lil' weight-loss-surgery-community term that refers to the blessed day when your weight actually starts with a "1" since pretty much everyone who takes this journey starts with a "2" or "3." This should not be confused with the "Century Club" - which refers to one who has dropped 100 pounds. The day I reach that goal is the day I'm basically done...so we'll look forward to that later this year. After reaching Onederland, my next goal is to be what I lied and said I weighed on my license...190. :)

p.s. Check out my ticker...I'm officially past my 1/2 way point. How exciting!

Feeling Skinny

Why is it that nothing changes between one day and the next, yet one day you feel like a big fat cow and the next a skinny minny? Seriously, I feel so skinny today it's freaky. Eh, I'll take what I can get :)

I started up my "yoga for round bodies" class again tonight. I fear after this 6-week cycle I may not be round enough for it any longer, but I'm guessing they wouldn't exactly give me the boot. It kicked my butt as it did last time around. I dig it though, and it's really interesting to me now, as one of the smaller folks in the class, to see all of these larger women getting themselves out there and doing something good for their bodies. It's very cool. There are 3 or 4 lapbanders in there as well. The highlight, however, was when my co-worker Amy - who sees me every single day in regular/work clothes - didn't recognize me at first because I looked so skinny in my workout garb with my hair pulled back in ponytail. Seriously. How cool is that?

For the lap-banders who read: My 2 cc fill is awesome. I can eat about 1 cup of food tops, and am typically happy with less. I feel like it's moving again. I love that this thing is adjustable! Amen!!!

In other news, my freshly lap-banded sister looks great! I saw her tonight and all seems well. She's on liquids and is not very hungry (3-days post-op). I took her some cauliflower puree I made last night (it rocked!) to use as a soup base for something a little more riveting than protein shakes and broth. Her incisions look good and are healing up nicely, so all is well. It's funny for me because that time for me seems like eons ago, but it was only 4 months back! I can't believe the difference in such a short amount of time. (You won't either, Meg!)

Tomorrow is Friday! Rahoo!!!!!!!

NSV

So several years ago I went to this fancy downtown spa with a gift certificate I'd gotten. The 19-year-old check-in girl was less than empathetic when the standard size robe wouldn't close for me...so she said, "well, I guess I'll have to find something for you..." and came back with a gigantic white tent-like thing for me to wear. I stuck out like a sore thumb, er, a gigantic sore thumb... It was horrible, though I was keen to get my treatments so it didn't ruin my time, but i remember feeling like a freak amongst the regular-sized folk.

Now, I tell this story only because it occurred to me today as I went to the fancy spa (a different one) and was able to wear their XL robe as oversized fashion - I'm sure had I grabbed a plain ole' L it would've fit just fine. So, apparently I'm now not so fat as to preclude me from spending way too much money having someone take care of my body for me. Ra-hoo!

In other news, it seems my new fill is sufficient as I'm having to eat as slow as molasses to avoid the stuck-in-the-throat feeling after three bites. It took me an hour to eat about a 2/3 c. piece of egg/corn tortilla pie that I had leftover from brunch this weekend. And it required a good bit of salsa & sour cream to lube it down. All good news though! Since I just lobbed off 3 pounds I'm not expected any near-term miracles, but I feel like I'm on track in a good way.

p.s. My younger sister Meg got a lap-band on Monday! She's clicking along so far - she dropped 10 lbs on her pre-op diet and is off & running (so to speak...)

Finally Fifty. 50. That's five-zero.

So, ok, it was bound to happen: The freakin' scale moved! FINALLY. It was frustrating to the point where I just stayed off the scale for a few days. I was exhausted seeing the same thing. But, as I hoped, the post-fill liquid/soft food days functioned as a reset button. Today the scale said a firm 208 - that's a 50-pound total loss! I swear I could've burst into tears on the scale - but instead I just stared and it and felt happy so as not to look like a freak at the gym.

In other related news, I went to two regular-size-people stores and was actually able to buy something! I got an XL Charter Club sweater at Macy's *not* in Women's World and then a very cool XL shirt at J. Jill followed up with the crowning jewel: A Size L sweater, also from J. Jill. Now then, I realize sizes vary, but how goddamn cool is it to have something with an "L" on the tag in my closet? Well, you know the answer. Pretty f*cking cool.

Last, I called the first surgeon's office whom I had started with in June just to see if I weighed more and indeed, I did. In June, I was a burgeoning 262. So, the real good news is that since June I've lost 54 pounds. But I'm keeping my official total/ticker to what I was when I went to my surgeon in August. Still, all good news, no?

p.s. Sorry for my erratic posting - break-up land has been less-than-palatable... I recently learned that one of the stages of grief is depression - somehow I didn't know this. I seem to be well past denial (stage 1), and am now bouncing around between stages 2, 3 & 4 - anger, bargaining and depression, respectively - all while looking forward to stage 5, acceptance. Seems the depression part tends to preclude me from posting. Thanks for all your nice messages reminding me to come back - it helps!

4-Month Bandiversary!

Well today is the 4-month anniversary of me getting my lapband. I weighed in at my surgeon's office 6 pounds down since my last fill - while it feels slow and depressing, the truth is for the time period of Dec. 11 - Jan. 12, one really shouldn't be complaining. He assured me that many folks coming in for their monthly appointments were not experiencing the same sense of accomplishment :) So, that was good news. I got filled up to 2.0 cc's as expected.

Six pounds doesn't feel very exciting or significant, and I am still hanging out at a 47-pound total loss. I've posted new photos, but honestly can't tell much of a difference this time around - though, in the companion naked photos (from which I will spare you), there is definite difference between last time and this time - particularly in my chest/shoulders (but unfortunately not boobs) and in my low back/butt.

My sister shot my photos this month (thank you Hoolie!) - since she took the naked ones, she took a look at my compliations of the past 4 months. We looked in backward order - from now back to September 10...her comment was, "Jeez Jenny, you look like a marshmellow blowing up in a microwave!" :)

Flattening Out and Filling Up

This is getting a little old. I have weighed the exact same amount now for weeks...it's ok. I know. It'll move again. I know. It's normal, natural and expected. I KNOW. But f*ck if it isn't exhausting, hard, disheartening, frustrating and disillusioning. One of my friends said, "Oh, so super gold star weight loss champion Jenn is - god forbid - just like everyone else and has hit a plateau!"...I laughed, he's right. It happens. To everyone...I'm not that special - this I realize.

Today I'm off to the surgeon today and planning to get a small fill, likely taking me up to 2.0cc's in my band. I'm at 1.6 or so right now. I'm a little scared - right now my level of PB's is ok, I can eat just about everything (save for sushi & eggs) - the idea of barfing more often produces ungodly anxiety for me.

I don't know how bulimics do it - and I'm not being disrespectful here. I get eating disorders, I even qualified as a compulsive eater for a good chunk of my life and did some heartly dabbling in self-starvation in tandem. I get that an eating disorder - no matter how it's acted out, starving, barfing or extreme overeating - is about self-hatred. Those feelings truly ended for me a good 4 years ago and I am grateful. That said, I never choose bulimia as my way of acting out because I hate to vomit. So the Dreaded PB, as it's called, f*cking exhausts me. It is brutal to me every time, even when it's a "little" one. My last one wasn't bad, a few good horks and it cleared and I was fine. But I swear to god I feel like I've been physically assaulted when it's done...hence, my fill-related fear.

I am, however, looking forward to the post-fill ritual of a day of liquids, then soft food/mushies for a few days before working solids back into the mix. Though starving used to be a sign of emotional pain for me, now it's almost a humbling, grounding experience - and being on liquids typically involves some significant hunger. It's like a big fat reset button, reminding me how little I truly need to survive and that being hungry isn't the end of the world and I won't die. Last, it usually produces a 2-3 pound loss over the first week or two post-fill, which right now, would make me do a backflip or two.

Fill Desperation

Ok, so there have always been posts on my message board that embody what I call "fill desperation" - that is, people freaking out that their weight loss is stalling and who are dying for a fill. Well, now I'm one of them!

I've spent the last week freaking out a bit - despite going to the gym every day and eating within the range, things are just stalled out. No movement in a while now...and I'll admit, I'm more anxious about this than I'd expect. There are variables, I know - perhaps it's those egg-nog lattes catching up with me (along with all of the other holiday cheer, er, alcohol, sugar, etc.)...and I am PMS-ish, but not really officially enough to count it.

I have a fill appointment on the 11th - that's a week or so away. I am planning on .5 or so to bring me up to 2.0cc's. Until then, I'm just trying to stay on track using fitday to make sure I'm not exceeding the calorie-intake goal, workout daily and not to stress out too much. It's hard though, to have it go from being so easy to suddening being so hard. I haven't craved food or been hungry in a long time! This is the joy and pain of the adjustable band - sometimes it adjusts itself to where it just isn't working as well as you'd like...the upside being you can fix it with one big fat needle and a knowledgable surgeon.

Maybe my body is just catching up. But I am terrified that this is it - that I won't lose another ounce and I'll be stuck at this weight forever more. Silly. Irrational. Ridiculous. But oh-so-real to me in this moment.

p.s. Apologies for the short hiatus, nothing is really up, just got busy with the new year and didn't have much to say until now :)

p.s.s. Thanks for all of the nice replies to my last post!!!

Big Fat Post

Well folks, it's that day of the year where we all think about what was and what will be. So, here is a big fat post covering everything I can think of...

First: The end of year weigh-in/update

Ok, for some reason I've never actually posted my weight - why, I don't know. I suppose I fear judgment by the skinny/normal-sized people who would jump off the Aurora bridge if they weighed what I weigh today - though I LOVE what I weigh today! It's all relative, and I'm smart enough to know this, but still - it's hard to negotiate it. So, here are my honest-to-god stats:




Start Weight: 258
Weight Today: 211 (that's down a total of 47 pounds!)

Pants Size B4: Size 24 Size Today: Size 16

















Top Size B4: Size 22/24, 3X
Today: Size 14/16, 1X

So, how's that for a look back? 47 pounds lost, and down 5 sizes. Ra-f*cking-hoo!!!!!!!

Second: The Goal-Setting

Small goals and big goals, that's what I've got for y'all. Are you ready? Feel free to hold me accountable!

Daily Goals:
- Take thyroid meds every day (I'm HORRIBLE at this!)
- Drink the g'damn water (also been slack-ass sally here)
- Call the trainer *this week* and integrate lifting weights into daily workouts ASAP
- And for the love of God, keep doing what's working:

• Plan to go to the gym *every single day* making it ok to miss it now and again; and push it, don't get complacent - keep increasing goals monthly!
• Keep caloric intake to around 1000-1200 daily.
• Take in occasional, minimal sugar only as a treat - never daily or regularly, and never, ever, ever as a reward. Oh, and limit the liquid calories overall - save up for the things you really want (i.e., martinis, wine, soy mochas...)
  
• Stay sane and reasonable about the whole thing! Integrate it into real life in a real way, so it is sustainable forever.
• And, keep being proud of yourself, Jennifer.

Bigger Goals:
- Lose 26 pounds before trip to Europe on April 1st (weight goal: 185)
- Meet goal weight by August 15th - another 30 pounds between April 1 - August 15 (weight goal: 155 - this is my end goal weight!)
- Do the Danskin Triathlon August 19-20!!!! (Addendum: Train like a m'f for this all summer)
- Find good plastic surgeon for required plastic surgery by September 1st; nip/tuck (in a big way) by November 1st.

Other Goals:
- Start writing and mean it; be vigilant and take it seriously. To that end, read more.
- Keep spending time alone and or just quiet time doing only and exactly what you want to do.
- Plan sabbatical trip for early 2007 (Australia and New Zealand?)
- Date. Consistently, no matter how hard it is to get out there. Keep at it until something really good comes along - that is to say, no settling.
- Evaluate career; figure out what's next and set a timeline.

How's that look? And, what about you??

Can't hardly wait!

So, I was cleaning the house the other day and found a batch of um, well, naked photos from the last time I lost weight. Back then, pre-digital, I'd schlep over to my local Fred Meyer and pick them up from the clerk, who always shot me a funny little smirk. But hey, not like they are sexy photos or anything...they're weight loss photos for pete's sake. Anyhow...

As I was going through them, I had dated and put my weight on the back of each one. The difference between where I am now and just another 20 pounds will be phenomenal! I mean, I realize in these photos I was like 26, so things likely won't look that good...but still, I actually looked like a relatively normal-sized person. I was shocked. And then I thought, "I can't hardly wait!!!" and it's so within reach and in a way that feels real and permanent. I'm already noticing how much smaller I am in so many ways, but to think that's what to come...yippee! Talk about motivating! And, these photos I was still about 35 pounds above what is now my goal weight. I guess as you peel back the layers, literally, the impact of each pound is more and more apparent.

For contrast here, I found a really um, big picture of myself from last Christmas. Talk about a "robust constitution" (I recently heard on NPR the French president being described this way):
I just love that I don't look like this anymore. Thank god. Here's my and Mikey a couple weeks ago...much better.






Been getting to the gym, eating ok (only two more eggnog lattes allowed - I'm cut off on January 1) and looking forward to getting back to work, and to a routine. Later all! :)

Nothing says "Work Out Hard" Like a Rock Star

Those of you who know me know I love Death Cab for Cutie (we'll call'em DCFC here for short). So, the lead singer, Ben Gibbard works out at my gym (so does Dave Matthews, and members of Sound Garden & Pearl Jam...but I digress). None of them matter. Ben matters though, because I love DCFC. The man writes the most poignant, intense, gut-wrenching lyrics, and sings them well to boot. (If you don't know them, click on the DCFC link above, you'll get a sampling.)

So, today I enter the gym and there is Ben in all his sweaty glory on an exercise bike! I avert my eyes, of course, so as not to be a star-struck freak, but am tickled nonetheless. I am not the type to bother someone when they're trying to exercise - that is an unglamourous time to be bothered, I don't care who you are. A friend (also a fan) shows up and we giggle together "there's Ben!" - no worries, Ben is happily listening to his iShuffle, so he cannot hear us - and is facing a different direction, so he cannot see us.

I hop on my elliptical and work out as if I am a rock star myself! I mean really, who wants to look like a workout wimp in front of one of their favorite singers on earth?? (Because of course Ben is carefully monitoring the intensity of my workout, esp. since he can't see or hear me...). If only Ben was there everyday - I think I'd be at my goal weight in no time if I worked out at that level all of the time! :) His mere presence kicked my heart rate up 10 notches or so.

Note: He did have good, proper gym etiquette as he cleaned up his machine before heading out. Now that is a good rockstar!

p.s. For those of you who think he's chunked up a bit, I have to disagree - seeing him in workout garb, he's actually rather fit; I think it's his round face that does him a disservice in this arena.

Calorie generosity

So I've been pretty darn generous with myself over the holidays - eating pretty much whatever I want, and making that possible by balancing out the calories throughout the day. Yes, that means skipping some meals...I know, I know - but it's two weeks people! And my eggnog lattes, soon to be seasonal-history, count as meal replacements. Not exactly healthy ones, but hey.

So today I was having one of my usual/easy meals - dropped eggs on toast - two poached eggs on top of two slices of light toasted bread (80 cals for both) - it's a 300 calorie meal. I thought, "I'll forego the usual butter...save the calories." Great. Well, someone called and I stopped paying attention to my eating. Without the butter to moisten it up, coupled with my eating too fast...it worked out to one egg, one toast...one big fat PB. User error, 100%. By far the WORST part of having a lap-band. It's been several weeks since the last one, so I can't complain really...but geez. Bummer. And after, I'm always terrified to eat again (as she sips her 'lunch'...)...

XL...XXL? Still??? Seriously?!?

So yesterday I had two clothing events. I went to REI only to find that their women's XL is still a little snug for my taste...ok, moderately depressing, but whatever. Later that day, I found myself at Eddie Bauer's sale rack, and found that the XXL fit like a charm. Seriously. That's ex-ex-f*cking-ell....

How depressing is that!?!? I mean, really, I know I've lost 45 pounds at this point (yep, that's an update - down 1 more), but it sucks to feel on one hand, "wow, I'm not so big anymore..." but then good 'ole mainstream society sucker-punches with the XXL tag in the shirt you want to buy. WTF? I'm in the precarious position of not being able to wear mainstream clothes just yet, but finding the smallest size at the ole'LB too big (on top, anyway..I'm still one of ample hippage...). So, I'll make do - I am smart enough not to let this impact me in a big way, but really people! XXL?? ;)

p.s. I wore a L t-shirt for my workout yesterday, so I do realize I'm not really an XXL...

Foodie & Bandster: Is it possible?

Ok, those of you who don't know me can likely surmise from this blog that I'm a foodie - I love to cook, try all sorts of foods, and eat out at interesting restaurants. I've been able to eat out quite a bit lately and it's been fine in terms of weight loss - but this week, I actually cooked up two really nice meals for friends. I really spare no expense in terms of calories - I believe fancier meals should use the 'real' ingredients. The good news is that I just can't eat that much of it - so I don't worry about it. And, I'm having a blast cooking again! I was so afraid to lose this part of me once I had the band, and with other events in my life, am just now at a place of being excited to have people over again.

So what did I cook? The first meal was a salad with homemade blue cheese dressing with bacon and hazelnuts over an ice berg wedge, and then sliced filet mignon over arugula with a cauliflower puree (yes, with butter and half'n'half). We had a few cookies for dessert. Tonight, we started with a little caprese salad (fresh mozzerella, tomatoes, basil & olive oil), with a main course of a boneless pork loin chop along with a delicata squash w. cranberry mushroom stuffing. On the side was a really nice tomato-roasted shallot relish (which was spicier than expected, though guestboy was happy to eat it all!) We finished with a spinach salad w. blue cheese dressing, bacon & hazelnuts (a (imho better) variation on the other night).

What's so cool is that I could eat these two meals! While I carefully ate 1/2 of the 6 oz. pork chop, and easily 1/2 of the squash...and I had 4 small slices of the filet the other night (2-3 oz.), it's plenty. I'm never left unsatisfied, feeling ripped off, or hungry. And I get to cook and be me! Yay!

Tour de Gorge

Can you believe there is a whole sport around competitive eating?? http://www.ifoce.com/index.php - take a look - it's true! So this morning at the gym (of all places) they had the Thanksgiving Invitational Tour de Gorge on, where about 10 gi-normous men stuffed themselves full of pumpkin pies. I couldn't actually watch - those kinds of things gross me out. But my god. I had no idea during my personal 34-year Tour de Gorge I couldn't been raking in some serious dough! Perhaps even enough to pay for my lapband? It was just shocking, funny & odd to see it at the gym - and horrifying that these people learn to gorge/binge and then apparently puke it up in a bucket. One guy's "stats" showed that he once ate 7 pounds of cabbage in 9 minutes - now would you want to be in the bathroom stall next to that dude the following day? I think not. The whole thing is just delightful! I suppose we all need hobbies...

Tonight was my sister's wedding - and my band was snug, so I really wasn't able to eat much - to my dismay, the food was good and I would've loved a few more bites, but as it was I think I snuck too many sips of water and got some too-full-wicked-shoulder-pain (remnants of the gas from surgery...which hurts like a m.f., btw). So, that was less-than-ideal, but man, I didn't really eat much at all:

1/3 c. artichoke dip-like stuff
a few tortilla chips (literally, like 5 mini rounds)
2 bites of bread
3 bites of green salad
3 bites of chicken
2 bites of potato
1 spoonful of corn
2 small bites of cupcake, a little later...

Just a touchy night for the ole' lapband it seems. Anyhow, I did well - though it's a lot easier when I can dish myself up and limit what is on my plate rather than sitting there (after my 4 bites are done with) while everyone eats a giant plate of food, staring at my plate, thinking of having just one more bite - and it's that freakin' bite that puts me over the top, dammit.

Moving Again

You know, this whole thing - the lap band - just fascinates me at times. I've lost another two pounds as of this morning's weigh in, bringing me to a total loss of 44 pounds which is just shocking to me, since I've had a cookie or two (or four...) at work due to holiday festivites, and I'm addicted to eggnog/eggnog lattes (ok, I've had a total of 4 - 1/2 c. servings of eggnog in the past week...but still! it feels over-the-top since they're 170 calories each! good grief!).

Somehow I just expect I'd be blowing up...but I've worked out for the past 4 days, am getting my water in and well, I guess it's just working. In order to lose 50 by New Year's I'd have to sew my jaw shut or do full liquids (eggnog?? ;) so I don't expect that will be happening. I think I'll revise my goal to just not have a goal for the moment - I'm excited to get to 50 pounds soon, and it will be soon! And 60 will be especially noteworthly as that will get me to an actual number on the scale that is exciting to me. So, onward!

p.s. Hope everyone (esp. my WLS pals) are doing ok with the holiday onslaught of sugar and stuff! Ug! It's a lap-banders blessing to be able to indulge in sugar now and again, but it's also a curse that we still can choose to!