New Photos are up! Lucky!
Check them out here! It's hard for me to see big changes, but that is normal. I can tell when I look at myself in the mirror au'natural, and that's good enough for me.
Yesterday I went to Lucky jeans and bought me a pair! I was nervous they'd look at me and tell me I was too fat to even walk in the store, but my pal smb assured me "well, i see women your size leaving the store with bags of clothes..." so I thought, let's try. I spent an ungodly amount of money for one pair of jeans - but I heart them! And, I figure they'll be with me for another 10-15 pounds, which is 3 months+, and that is ok. Felt good to feel normal, no?
And, the best part, the flamboyant gay man helping me said, "oh, honey, I dropped 120 pounds about 3 years ago - I get it!" and we went on to have a huge conversation about the emotional weirdness of losing this kinda weight, and the concept of what I now call "the fat filter" - that is to say, the people who talk to you, date you, love you when you're gigantic comprise a small segment of society. Whereas, once you're 'normal' you find yourself being approached by the masses - and it's hard to discern who "your people" are, when before it was a given. Fascinating chat, lovely man for helping me feel comfy. And, well, super hot jeans...now if only I had the ass to really show them off, alas, all the weight loss in the world will not produce me a round bottom. Ah well....
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
11-Month Post-Op Report - down 79.1 pounds to 182.9
Well, miracles do happen. Heading up to my surgeon appointment today, I was gunning for a 4 pound loss - really, 1/week at this point is good, right? I mean, we shouldn't get greedy, right? So, plopping on the scale (ok, stepping, but what a boring verb!) I showed a nice 5.6 pound loss putting me at 79.1 total. Now, I had no idea would be so close to the big 8'Oh! or I'd have tried to pee once more. Alas, I'll take it. Just 27.9 to go which feels like nothing on one hand and eternal on the other. That said, right now I'm focused on my 1-year appointment September 12th. I have a number in my head - should I commit? Right here right now? Yeah - ok - here it is: 177.
This is why. I remember weighing a hefty 135 in 5th grade. Next I remember being 185+ in high school and ever since. Twice - once at 19 and once at 27 - I hit 178 for about 15 minutes. I've never seen, as far as I can recall, any number below 178 on a scale. Hence the 177 goal. I like 175 for it's round-number quality; so that's the stretch goal. We'll see - but I'm going to try to keep this high level of focus. It seems to help when I'm not seeing anyone, and my friends are really busy - i.e., no distractions or variations (re: excessive drinking) to the plan. That said, I am figuring there will be wrenches in the plan along the way, but somehow, though there were this time, I still got there!
Oh, btw, surgeon scale weighs me in at 2 pounds less than my home scale. (Mostly writing this for my own reference). And, regular-person yoga is going just great! It's a good challenge and is keeping my in touch with the 'ole bod - a good thing, as Martha might say.
I'll get some new pix up soon!
Well, miracles do happen. Heading up to my surgeon appointment today, I was gunning for a 4 pound loss - really, 1/week at this point is good, right? I mean, we shouldn't get greedy, right? So, plopping on the scale (ok, stepping, but what a boring verb!) I showed a nice 5.6 pound loss putting me at 79.1 total. Now, I had no idea would be so close to the big 8'Oh! or I'd have tried to pee once more. Alas, I'll take it. Just 27.9 to go which feels like nothing on one hand and eternal on the other. That said, right now I'm focused on my 1-year appointment September 12th. I have a number in my head - should I commit? Right here right now? Yeah - ok - here it is: 177.
This is why. I remember weighing a hefty 135 in 5th grade. Next I remember being 185+ in high school and ever since. Twice - once at 19 and once at 27 - I hit 178 for about 15 minutes. I've never seen, as far as I can recall, any number below 178 on a scale. Hence the 177 goal. I like 175 for it's round-number quality; so that's the stretch goal. We'll see - but I'm going to try to keep this high level of focus. It seems to help when I'm not seeing anyone, and my friends are really busy - i.e., no distractions or variations (re: excessive drinking) to the plan. That said, I am figuring there will be wrenches in the plan along the way, but somehow, though there were this time, I still got there!
Oh, btw, surgeon scale weighs me in at 2 pounds less than my home scale. (Mostly writing this for my own reference). And, regular-person yoga is going just great! It's a good challenge and is keeping my in touch with the 'ole bod - a good thing, as Martha might say.
I'll get some new pix up soon!
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Hi. Remember me?
Where does Jenn keep going? If only she had the answer for you...
Seriously, it seems like I get all 'on track' and then something knocks me off and I'm trying to get back for weeks. It's lame, but it's life, and so while I try not to beat myself up too much, I also try to pay attention and not let this keep happening, or happening to the same extent.
Friday I have my 11-month appointment. I finally bought a scale and things are looking good. I plan to take it with me to his office and weigh on both to see what the discrepancy is, if any. Just good to have a gauge. After September, I can drive up and weigh in anytime - but no more "free" appointments, so it is unlikely I'll haul up to Edmonds (25+ minutes, a true expedition for a city girl who rarely drives more than 12 minutes anyplace ever) just to step on a scale. If I know how mine compares, I won't need to do that.
More to come!
Where does Jenn keep going? If only she had the answer for you...
Seriously, it seems like I get all 'on track' and then something knocks me off and I'm trying to get back for weeks. It's lame, but it's life, and so while I try not to beat myself up too much, I also try to pay attention and not let this keep happening, or happening to the same extent.
Friday I have my 11-month appointment. I finally bought a scale and things are looking good. I plan to take it with me to his office and weigh on both to see what the discrepancy is, if any. Just good to have a gauge. After September, I can drive up and weigh in anytime - but no more "free" appointments, so it is unlikely I'll haul up to Edmonds (25+ minutes, a true expedition for a city girl who rarely drives more than 12 minutes anyplace ever) just to step on a scale. If I know how mine compares, I won't need to do that.
More to come!
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Friday, July 14, 2006
10 Months Out
Who can believe it - a year ago I was anxiously preparing for surgery, getting ready for my pre-op diet and having a myriad of "last suppers" (though I wasn't out of control, I did try to hit all of my favorites one last time). Today I went up to my surgeon's office to weigh in officially:
Wow! Who could be happier? Well, I'll admit to occasional 'bypass envy' as I know if I'd had the bypass, I'd be closer to my goal. BUT, I also know the lapband was the right choice for me and that I'm right on schedule for a good lil' bandster. With 8 weeks until my 1 year anniversary, I should be right where it seems most people are who have about 100 to lose: 80ish pounds down. That said, I have an inkling to sew my jaw shut for 8 weeks and hit my 100 pound mark...but I won't. Please! I know better.
It's exciting to be in the 180s - other than weighing 178 for about 15 minutes back in 1998, I honestly don't remember being any weight other that two-hundred-and-"x"... it's weird to be solidly in the "one hunderds" and even more exciting to be cookin' toward the end goal. I think once I've got 20ish to go, it will feel real. It's still a little "out there" for me at the moment - wearing regular clothes, looking like everyone else (i.e., not standing out as the fatso in the room), etc. So, I continue to digest (no pun intended) this insane amount of change to my body and soul. It's good though, don't get me wrong!
Hopefully I'll have more good news at my next 'anniversary' date! Pics will be posted soon - gotta get my sister to snap'em for me in the next couple days.
Who can believe it - a year ago I was anxiously preparing for surgery, getting ready for my pre-op diet and having a myriad of "last suppers" (though I wasn't out of control, I did try to hit all of my favorites one last time). Today I went up to my surgeon's office to weigh in officially:
Wow! Who could be happier? Well, I'll admit to occasional 'bypass envy' as I know if I'd had the bypass, I'd be closer to my goal. BUT, I also know the lapband was the right choice for me and that I'm right on schedule for a good lil' bandster. With 8 weeks until my 1 year anniversary, I should be right where it seems most people are who have about 100 to lose: 80ish pounds down. That said, I have an inkling to sew my jaw shut for 8 weeks and hit my 100 pound mark...but I won't. Please! I know better.
It's exciting to be in the 180s - other than weighing 178 for about 15 minutes back in 1998, I honestly don't remember being any weight other that two-hundred-and-"x"... it's weird to be solidly in the "one hunderds" and even more exciting to be cookin' toward the end goal. I think once I've got 20ish to go, it will feel real. It's still a little "out there" for me at the moment - wearing regular clothes, looking like everyone else (i.e., not standing out as the fatso in the room), etc. So, I continue to digest (no pun intended) this insane amount of change to my body and soul. It's good though, don't get me wrong!
Hopefully I'll have more good news at my next 'anniversary' date! Pics will be posted soon - gotta get my sister to snap'em for me in the next couple days.
Sunday, July 09, 2006
Hiking, for the love of pete...
Ok, so now I'm an official card-carrying lesbian who lives in the northwest....yes, today I went hiking. I met a girl a few weeks ago, who is cool, and we're hanging out a bit (oh-so-low-key-casual, don't get excited). Anyhow, today, the plan was to go on a hike. She planned it, and I just trusted I'd be able to do it. She picked perfectly - about a 3-hour "easy/moderate" hike to Heather Lake up north near Mt. Pilchuck. And I'm happy to report, I hiked away with really no physical strain, emotional panic or problems (I toppled twice, but that can happen in the midst of a normal day for me, really). Hot diggity! Though, now I'm feeling as if truck ran me over...it was good fun.
Here's the thing: I walk all the time. I love it. Hiking is walking, just in more interesting places and on more varied terrain. Sometimes intensely varied - but still, this isn't rocket science. I like it, but I think I've classically feared it due to the weight issue and not being able to 'perform' so to speak. But today, I had a great time, got a fab workout and had a lovely lunch sitting on a giant rock next to an alpine lake - this would not have happened 70+ pounds ago, nfw.
I heart my lap-band.
Ok, so now I'm an official card-carrying lesbian who lives in the northwest....yes, today I went hiking. I met a girl a few weeks ago, who is cool, and we're hanging out a bit (oh-so-low-key-casual, don't get excited). Anyhow, today, the plan was to go on a hike. She planned it, and I just trusted I'd be able to do it. She picked perfectly - about a 3-hour "easy/moderate" hike to Heather Lake up north near Mt. Pilchuck. And I'm happy to report, I hiked away with really no physical strain, emotional panic or problems (I toppled twice, but that can happen in the midst of a normal day for me, really). Hot diggity! Though, now I'm feeling as if truck ran me over...it was good fun.
Here's the thing: I walk all the time. I love it. Hiking is walking, just in more interesting places and on more varied terrain. Sometimes intensely varied - but still, this isn't rocket science. I like it, but I think I've classically feared it due to the weight issue and not being able to 'perform' so to speak. But today, I had a great time, got a fab workout and had a lovely lunch sitting on a giant rock next to an alpine lake - this would not have happened 70+ pounds ago, nfw.
I heart my lap-band.
Friday, July 07, 2006
No More Glucophage!
I meant to report, I went to my endocrinologist last week. He's kind of an older dude, a bit of a crumugeon, but a stand-up guy in his profession. I am happy to report a fasting blood sugar of 88!!!!!! In the past, I was typically at 108. He officially let me off glucophage - which, to be honest - I'd stopped taking after my surgery. I hated it. Shame on me though, for self-medicating (or not, in this case...).
Anyhow, Dr. No-Bedside-Manner stopped to put his hand on my shoulder, tell me congratulations and looked me in the eye and said, "you know, this is huge - what you've done for yourself here, most people don't or can't do. you are my patient of the day!" It was very sweet actually; I also took the opportunity to tell him that he was my inspiration. He once said, "Unless you lose 50 pounds, you will, without question, need to take insulin shots at some point." This terrified me into looking at surgery...so I thanked him for making a difference for me. And that was that! I see him again in 4 months for a check-up and for my thyroid (which, I am taking my drugs again, thank-you-very-muchly).
In other good news, I'm meeting most of my goals from my recent post. I did drink a bit over the holiday weekend that exceeded calories limits; however, no looking back! I'm back on track now - no alcohol since Monday, and none planned until Saturday night. It's my mom's 60th birthday and in a move somewhat oxymoronic for a bandster, my one sister and I are taking her to the Herbfarm Restaurant here in Seattle. It's quite famous, and offers a 9-course meal with paired wines. I plan to go nice and slow, eat no bread and sip the wine and know that I don't have to finish it all. Duh! The portions are teeny tiny, and the meal lasts 5 hours, so I can pace myself. I don't plan to eat much tomorrow prior to dinner though!
Exercise is on target and my yoga for round bodies class is good. I signed up for a (gawd help me) hip-hop dance class! We'll see how that goes, but man, I wanna dance like that! I'll need to come up with a system to bind my chest and my fat belly, but they sell garments for that. Hee-haw!
Hope everyone is doing well! :)
I meant to report, I went to my endocrinologist last week. He's kind of an older dude, a bit of a crumugeon, but a stand-up guy in his profession. I am happy to report a fasting blood sugar of 88!!!!!! In the past, I was typically at 108. He officially let me off glucophage - which, to be honest - I'd stopped taking after my surgery. I hated it. Shame on me though, for self-medicating (or not, in this case...).
Anyhow, Dr. No-Bedside-Manner stopped to put his hand on my shoulder, tell me congratulations and looked me in the eye and said, "you know, this is huge - what you've done for yourself here, most people don't or can't do. you are my patient of the day!" It was very sweet actually; I also took the opportunity to tell him that he was my inspiration. He once said, "Unless you lose 50 pounds, you will, without question, need to take insulin shots at some point." This terrified me into looking at surgery...so I thanked him for making a difference for me. And that was that! I see him again in 4 months for a check-up and for my thyroid (which, I am taking my drugs again, thank-you-very-muchly).
In other good news, I'm meeting most of my goals from my recent post. I did drink a bit over the holiday weekend that exceeded calories limits; however, no looking back! I'm back on track now - no alcohol since Monday, and none planned until Saturday night. It's my mom's 60th birthday and in a move somewhat oxymoronic for a bandster, my one sister and I are taking her to the Herbfarm Restaurant here in Seattle. It's quite famous, and offers a 9-course meal with paired wines. I plan to go nice and slow, eat no bread and sip the wine and know that I don't have to finish it all. Duh! The portions are teeny tiny, and the meal lasts 5 hours, so I can pace myself. I don't plan to eat much tomorrow prior to dinner though!
Exercise is on target and my yoga for round bodies class is good. I signed up for a (gawd help me) hip-hop dance class! We'll see how that goes, but man, I wanna dance like that! I'll need to come up with a system to bind my chest and my fat belly, but they sell garments for that. Hee-haw!
Hope everyone is doing well! :)
Friday, June 23, 2006
Boob Job Nightmare
So I had a dream that I had a boob job; they screwed it up and instead of making them smaller and perkier, they made them BIGGER - enlarging them into giant, honey dew melon-porn-star tits!
Oh, and one side was significantly bigger than the other, they were all dimpled and poorly shaped.
...and the best part? They put two nipples on one boob, and no nipple on the other. I awoke and said to the doctor, "Did you not notice this? Doesn't it look funny to you?!?!" Needless to say, I was happy to wake up and see all was well with my chest. Phew!
Hm. Now there's a subconscious manifestation of fear, no?
So I had a dream that I had a boob job; they screwed it up and instead of making them smaller and perkier, they made them BIGGER - enlarging them into giant, honey dew melon-porn-star tits!
Oh, and one side was significantly bigger than the other, they were all dimpled and poorly shaped.
...and the best part? They put two nipples on one boob, and no nipple on the other. I awoke and said to the doctor, "Did you not notice this? Doesn't it look funny to you?!?!" Needless to say, I was happy to wake up and see all was well with my chest. Phew!
Hm. Now there's a subconscious manifestation of fear, no?
Thursday, June 22, 2006
9 1/2 Month Surgeon Visit - Update!
Well, one happy Jenn hopped on the scale to learn I weighed 190.9 - down about 5 and a 1/2 pounds from last month! Very exciting! All told with pre-band weight loss, I'm at a total loss of 71 pounds at the 9.5 month mark. Somehow, passing the 70-pound mark feels seriously significant - similar to when I passed 40...I dunno, some of these milestones just feel bigger than others. Bonus: I am now merely overweight, no longer obese, with a BMI of 29.9!
I had the alternate surgeon today, who was very nice - but I'd never met him. I discussed my fill situation and we agreed to a teeny tiny unfill. I'm wicked paranoid to go too low - 1.8 was loose! So, I went back to 2.0 exactly (I was at 2.1). The unfill was relatively uneventful. We'll see how I do - but it has to be better. I'm tracking with fitday now, like religion, to snap myself back to center in terms of caloric intake, so it's just a matter of whether or not I'm starving all the time, etc. which I doubt.
Well, one happy Jenn hopped on the scale to learn I weighed 190.9 - down about 5 and a 1/2 pounds from last month! Very exciting! All told with pre-band weight loss, I'm at a total loss of 71 pounds at the 9.5 month mark. Somehow, passing the 70-pound mark feels seriously significant - similar to when I passed 40...I dunno, some of these milestones just feel bigger than others. Bonus: I am now merely overweight, no longer obese, with a BMI of 29.9!
I had the alternate surgeon today, who was very nice - but I'd never met him. I discussed my fill situation and we agreed to a teeny tiny unfill. I'm wicked paranoid to go too low - 1.8 was loose! So, I went back to 2.0 exactly (I was at 2.1). The unfill was relatively uneventful. We'll see how I do - but it has to be better. I'm tracking with fitday now, like religion, to snap myself back to center in terms of caloric intake, so it's just a matter of whether or not I'm starving all the time, etc. which I doubt.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Press the Reset Button, Jennifer.
Ok, I realized something: It is me.
Yep, I realized I was off the wagon, but I don't think I knew how far off the wagon I was...so, I hit the reset button this week and, with the help of my ever-faithful pal ck, I set some goals to help be get back in the game. Here they are, both for support to those of you who may be in the same boat, and for accountability:
1. Get back to 800 - 1200 calories/day.
So I did fitday.com for a few days, thought I was practically starving myself and found that I was indeed at the high end of my range...1200 calories! This is fine, but before, I was eating considerably more, meaning I was likely in a 1500-1800 range; fine for maintenance but I'm not there yet. Obviously.
2. No work out, no go out.
Back to this: No wine, drinks, etc. unless I've exercised, and then, only within my calorie range.
3. Exercise: 9 hours/week.
Six days of 1-hour walks + 3 days of 1-hour workouts at the gym, or a second walk, or whatever. 9 hours each week though, with only 1 day of rest.
4. Take the Meds.
I've been blowing off my thyroid medications which is ludicrous; plus stopped taking all insulin-resistance-related drugs after my surgery. Nice Jenn, self-medicate - great idea!...Sigh. I have an appointment with my Endocrinologist next Tuesday. I'll be back to center then, but have gotten back on the thyroid wagon (all the sudden I'm tired and my skin is dry and my hair is growing slow...and and...)
5. Get the Band Adjusted Properly
I'm too tight. I sort of like it; but dumb! Hello - slippage, etc. are huge risks. So, off to the surgeon later today. Git'er done, girl.
6. Nutritionist Check-In
I'm not eating enough protein. I'm eating soft/liquids, too much of them. Probably drinking too much alcohol too - not in an alcoholic way, just in a calorie sense. No more sweet drinks - they taste too good, are too full of calories and too easy to have another. Martinis...savories. Only.
7. Post to the Blog!
You guys help keep me on my toes; when I'm posting, I'm working. When I'm not...well, I'm not...so, I'm back to posting daily or near-daily until I finish losing, or need another break.
8. Dissect the Emotions
Watch for an 'emo' post soon - I've been pulling the emotions apart, and trying to put myself back together in light of what I'm learning. I'm scared to be skinny - no doubt - but I'm ok to keep working toward it at this point and face the fear. More on this soon, but know it's a component.
9. Buy a Scale
Accountability. If I'm not working out at the gym, I have no sense of how I'm doing. It will help. I'm ordering one this week.
10. Sugar only Twice/Week
I was getting mochas. Eating the free evil chocolate at work. Ordering sweet drinks (lemon drops, margaritas)...I was getting addicted again. So I'm off sugar for 1 week - then, it's allowed 2x/week. Period.
I think that's it. I'll revise if I forgot anything. I feel better, and skinnier already, being back on track. Surgeon today - I'm not expecting to lose since I know I've had loads of liquid calories and travels since my last fill; but hopefully this adjustment will get me where I want to go!
Ok, I realized something: It is me.
Yep, I realized I was off the wagon, but I don't think I knew how far off the wagon I was...so, I hit the reset button this week and, with the help of my ever-faithful pal ck, I set some goals to help be get back in the game. Here they are, both for support to those of you who may be in the same boat, and for accountability:
1. Get back to 800 - 1200 calories/day.
So I did fitday.com for a few days, thought I was practically starving myself and found that I was indeed at the high end of my range...1200 calories! This is fine, but before, I was eating considerably more, meaning I was likely in a 1500-1800 range; fine for maintenance but I'm not there yet. Obviously.
2. No work out, no go out.
Back to this: No wine, drinks, etc. unless I've exercised, and then, only within my calorie range.
3. Exercise: 9 hours/week.
Six days of 1-hour walks + 3 days of 1-hour workouts at the gym, or a second walk, or whatever. 9 hours each week though, with only 1 day of rest.
4. Take the Meds.
I've been blowing off my thyroid medications which is ludicrous; plus stopped taking all insulin-resistance-related drugs after my surgery. Nice Jenn, self-medicate - great idea!...Sigh. I have an appointment with my Endocrinologist next Tuesday. I'll be back to center then, but have gotten back on the thyroid wagon (all the sudden I'm tired and my skin is dry and my hair is growing slow...and and...)
5. Get the Band Adjusted Properly
I'm too tight. I sort of like it; but dumb! Hello - slippage, etc. are huge risks. So, off to the surgeon later today. Git'er done, girl.
6. Nutritionist Check-In
I'm not eating enough protein. I'm eating soft/liquids, too much of them. Probably drinking too much alcohol too - not in an alcoholic way, just in a calorie sense. No more sweet drinks - they taste too good, are too full of calories and too easy to have another. Martinis...savories. Only.
7. Post to the Blog!
You guys help keep me on my toes; when I'm posting, I'm working. When I'm not...well, I'm not...so, I'm back to posting daily or near-daily until I finish losing, or need another break.
8. Dissect the Emotions
Watch for an 'emo' post soon - I've been pulling the emotions apart, and trying to put myself back together in light of what I'm learning. I'm scared to be skinny - no doubt - but I'm ok to keep working toward it at this point and face the fear. More on this soon, but know it's a component.
9. Buy a Scale
Accountability. If I'm not working out at the gym, I have no sense of how I'm doing. It will help. I'm ordering one this week.
10. Sugar only Twice/Week
I was getting mochas. Eating the free evil chocolate at work. Ordering sweet drinks (lemon drops, margaritas)...I was getting addicted again. So I'm off sugar for 1 week - then, it's allowed 2x/week. Period.
I think that's it. I'll revise if I forgot anything. I feel better, and skinnier already, being back on track. Surgeon today - I'm not expecting to lose since I know I've had loads of liquid calories and travels since my last fill; but hopefully this adjustment will get me where I want to go!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Writing & Reading
As I've posted here before, I take writing classes at Bent - a writing school for queer folk where we can test out our writing in a safe space. I love it!
As most of you know, I wrote a piece about getting skinny - I read it at a queer spoken word event last month here in Seattle. Last week, my instructor asked me to read an abbreviated version of it at Seattle PrideFest this weekend! I was terrified - reading my piece in front of thousands of people - many of whom happen to fall into my dating pool! But I committed. I have it ready. Scary!
If you'd like to read it the full original version, email me (jennisagemini@yahoo.com) and I'll send it to you a PDF. I don't think I'm game to post the whole thing here and I may want to publish it someplace, and sometimes there are weird requirements around it being 'published' elsewhere.
As I've posted here before, I take writing classes at Bent - a writing school for queer folk where we can test out our writing in a safe space. I love it!
As most of you know, I wrote a piece about getting skinny - I read it at a queer spoken word event last month here in Seattle. Last week, my instructor asked me to read an abbreviated version of it at Seattle PrideFest this weekend! I was terrified - reading my piece in front of thousands of people - many of whom happen to fall into my dating pool! But I committed. I have it ready. Scary!
If you'd like to read it the full original version, email me (jennisagemini@yahoo.com) and I'll send it to you a PDF. I don't think I'm game to post the whole thing here and I may want to publish it someplace, and sometimes there are weird requirements around it being 'published' elsewhere.
Monday, June 19, 2006
PB Tips!
I put a post on the lapband messageboard on Obesity Help detailing my tips on how to handle the dreaded "productive burp." I'm not posting it here because really, only bandsters need to know this and care, and well, it's a little gross. So, those bandsters who are interested, you know where to go to find it! Posted at 10:50 a.m. PST on June 19th. Enjoy - comments here or there (OH) are welcome, or added input!
I put a post on the lapband messageboard on Obesity Help detailing my tips on how to handle the dreaded "productive burp." I'm not posting it here because really, only bandsters need to know this and care, and well, it's a little gross. So, those bandsters who are interested, you know where to go to find it! Posted at 10:50 a.m. PST on June 19th. Enjoy - comments here or there (OH) are welcome, or added input!
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Ok, you tell me....
I'm going to do it. Buy a scale. That's right. A scale. In my home...
So tell me, what one do you have? Do you love it? What are the "must have" features in your opinion? Send me a link too. Cost is no matter - I just want a good one.
Why? Well, I don't fear becoming a scale addict at this point; the scale at my gym is not well calibrated (when I was over 200 lbs, it weighed me 2-3 pounds lighter than my doctor's office; now that I'm under 200 pounds, it's weighing me 2-3 pounds heavier than my doctor's office...).
Thank you in advance!!
I'm going to do it. Buy a scale. That's right. A scale. In my home...
So tell me, what one do you have? Do you love it? What are the "must have" features in your opinion? Send me a link too. Cost is no matter - I just want a good one.
Why? Well, I don't fear becoming a scale addict at this point; the scale at my gym is not well calibrated (when I was over 200 lbs, it weighed me 2-3 pounds lighter than my doctor's office; now that I'm under 200 pounds, it's weighing me 2-3 pounds heavier than my doctor's office...).
Thank you in advance!!
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Uncle!!
Ok, note to self (and to lap-banders everywhere!): Do not get an aggressive fill before traveling. Especially internationally. Where they eat lots of rice. But really, not at all.
I have not been having a lot of fun since my last fill. I have an appointment on 6/23 where I plan to go back to 2.0cc’s from the 2.1 I have now. Here’s why: I am having a little PB festival every time I eat. I even PB’d water while I was in Manila – it was first thing in the morning and I awoke parched and slammed a ½ a bottle of water. Ok, so maybe it was my fault…but water? Really?? Further, it seems that the only meat that is friendly to me right now is fish – and even that, I have to be sooooo careful. And you all know what this leads to…
Soft foods. So I’ve been eating cheese. Which is fine, I always do – but I worry I’m eating too much. And in Manila, I actually drank frappacinos – yes – a glass of calories really – almost *daily*. Good lord! I do not do that!!! I certainly will have desserts, but in a calculated way, not in a daily downing of a giant, glorified milkshake! In New York, I failed to get through Chinese food, barely made it through Indian and well, nachos (one of my mainstays) both times were not seamless. Thankfully, my birthday dinner was ok: 1 oz Manchego cheese; about 8 mussels; 4-5 of the crispiest potato rounds I could find in the batch; and later in the evening, shared creamy dessert (cheesecake, mousse cake) with a hot cappuccino to get it down smoothly (all went well – happy birthday to me!).
While I love fish, I worry about gaining weight in this panicked mindset – because what actually happens is that you eat this insanely small amount, get a little stuck, and then a little later – 30 – 60 minutes maybe – it goes “clunk” and works through the band. Then you’re starving. So you eat crap to not be hungry. All signs, and obvious ones, of being too tight. That said, I did want to give it the college try and also allow the fill to settle in. I know too many people who panicked a week after a fill and regretted it later. I just wanted to be sure.
And, well folks, I am. That said, I do think I’m dropping weight – haven’t weighed myself in a while, though the scale in Manila put me at exactly what I weighed last time I was at the surgeon’s office. And certainly, if I don’t lose, though it feels like reverse psychology – the best thing to do is loosen up. If I do lose, it becomes a tougher choice, no? I mean, if I’m losing, and that’s my primary goal *for the moment*, maybe I’ll just eat fish for a while? We’ll see.
But don’t do this. If you have a lap-band, reschedule that fill for after big foreign/domestic celebratory travels. Trust me!
Ok, note to self (and to lap-banders everywhere!): Do not get an aggressive fill before traveling. Especially internationally. Where they eat lots of rice. But really, not at all.
I have not been having a lot of fun since my last fill. I have an appointment on 6/23 where I plan to go back to 2.0cc’s from the 2.1 I have now. Here’s why: I am having a little PB festival every time I eat. I even PB’d water while I was in Manila – it was first thing in the morning and I awoke parched and slammed a ½ a bottle of water. Ok, so maybe it was my fault…but water? Really?? Further, it seems that the only meat that is friendly to me right now is fish – and even that, I have to be sooooo careful. And you all know what this leads to…
Soft foods. So I’ve been eating cheese. Which is fine, I always do – but I worry I’m eating too much. And in Manila, I actually drank frappacinos – yes – a glass of calories really – almost *daily*. Good lord! I do not do that!!! I certainly will have desserts, but in a calculated way, not in a daily downing of a giant, glorified milkshake! In New York, I failed to get through Chinese food, barely made it through Indian and well, nachos (one of my mainstays) both times were not seamless. Thankfully, my birthday dinner was ok: 1 oz Manchego cheese; about 8 mussels; 4-5 of the crispiest potato rounds I could find in the batch; and later in the evening, shared creamy dessert (cheesecake, mousse cake) with a hot cappuccino to get it down smoothly (all went well – happy birthday to me!).
While I love fish, I worry about gaining weight in this panicked mindset – because what actually happens is that you eat this insanely small amount, get a little stuck, and then a little later – 30 – 60 minutes maybe – it goes “clunk” and works through the band. Then you’re starving. So you eat crap to not be hungry. All signs, and obvious ones, of being too tight. That said, I did want to give it the college try and also allow the fill to settle in. I know too many people who panicked a week after a fill and regretted it later. I just wanted to be sure.
And, well folks, I am. That said, I do think I’m dropping weight – haven’t weighed myself in a while, though the scale in Manila put me at exactly what I weighed last time I was at the surgeon’s office. And certainly, if I don’t lose, though it feels like reverse psychology – the best thing to do is loosen up. If I do lose, it becomes a tougher choice, no? I mean, if I’m losing, and that’s my primary goal *for the moment*, maybe I’ll just eat fish for a while? We’ll see.
But don’t do this. If you have a lap-band, reschedule that fill for after big foreign/domestic celebratory travels. Trust me!
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Yo, Mama'z Tight
Whoa. This fill is wicked tight...and I'm not sure if it's "too tight" or if I just need to re-adjust to having it this way. If I eat insanely slow, I can get in enough food...but I fear "soft food syndrome" a little and have found myself going to soft/liquid foods just to get enough calories in to think. BUT, that said, I'm groovin' on losing weight again and knowing that it's happening! I don't own a scale, so I don't know exactly what's happening, but I can feel it...and you who have a band or bypass know "that feeling"...the "i'm getting skinny" feeling.
So, I've decided to stick with my fill and go with it. I will never starve; I still have 40+ excess pounds hanging off my body that can be accessed anytime to avoid certain death from starvation :) I did PB a little water yesterday after eating a small spoonful of cookie dough (I know, for shame) - but it just shows that it's working. What's true is often it's not "real" hunger, but rather "head hunger" in that I feel I should eat or be eating more, but really, I'm not hungry. So, I just need to adjust myself to what is essentially a brand-new lapband...which is how it is people: Every fill is like going back to the first one. I swear it.
I'm traveling now effectively for the next three weeks. I am home for a day here and there, but off to Manila, then NYC, then Portland. I'm home for good on June 17 and my next appointment is the following Tuesday, June 20. So we'll see how I do! I'll be posting a bit between now and then...first up: Manila! Home of fried and overly sweet foods.... (yes, I've got Luna bars for days...)
Whoa. This fill is wicked tight...and I'm not sure if it's "too tight" or if I just need to re-adjust to having it this way. If I eat insanely slow, I can get in enough food...but I fear "soft food syndrome" a little and have found myself going to soft/liquid foods just to get enough calories in to think. BUT, that said, I'm groovin' on losing weight again and knowing that it's happening! I don't own a scale, so I don't know exactly what's happening, but I can feel it...and you who have a band or bypass know "that feeling"...the "i'm getting skinny" feeling.
So, I've decided to stick with my fill and go with it. I will never starve; I still have 40+ excess pounds hanging off my body that can be accessed anytime to avoid certain death from starvation :) I did PB a little water yesterday after eating a small spoonful of cookie dough (I know, for shame) - but it just shows that it's working. What's true is often it's not "real" hunger, but rather "head hunger" in that I feel I should eat or be eating more, but really, I'm not hungry. So, I just need to adjust myself to what is essentially a brand-new lapband...which is how it is people: Every fill is like going back to the first one. I swear it.
I'm traveling now effectively for the next three weeks. I am home for a day here and there, but off to Manila, then NYC, then Portland. I'm home for good on June 17 and my next appointment is the following Tuesday, June 20. So we'll see how I do! I'll be posting a bit between now and then...first up: Manila! Home of fried and overly sweet foods.... (yes, I've got Luna bars for days...)
Sunday, May 28, 2006
Comparison
My "real" photos are on my other site, but I was reviewing some old posts in order to write up some of my lapband experience for my nutritionist, who is writing a book on lapband nutrition. I found this photo, and thought it would be fun to share it in comparison to a goofy photo I shot of myself yesterday. Please excuse the bowling shoes; normally I'd have boots on with a chunky heel.
Holy crap. Perhaps I just need a little self-validation, but damn if this won't do the trick!
My "real" photos are on my other site, but I was reviewing some old posts in order to write up some of my lapband experience for my nutritionist, who is writing a book on lapband nutrition. I found this photo, and thought it would be fun to share it in comparison to a goofy photo I shot of myself yesterday. Please excuse the bowling shoes; normally I'd have boots on with a chunky heel.
Holy crap. Perhaps I just need a little self-validation, but damn if this won't do the trick!
Saturday, May 27, 2006
A pound is a pound!
Sorry it's taken me a couple days to post. My surgeon appointment on Tuesday actually went quite well - to my surprise, I lost a pound. Yep, just one. And while in some ways that should be devastating - we are talking a month here - it wasn't *at all*. I was delighted not to gain really.
So, I was going to wait to get a fill until after my work trip next week (to Manila, in the Philippines), followed by a weekend in NYC to celebrate my 35th birthday...oh yeah, and then a couple days in Portland, OR for work...so I'm basically traveling from May 31 - June 18. BUT, then I thought, "did'ja drop $18K to stay fat then?" and my answer was a big, fat NO. So, when my doc came in I said, "we need to do a fill" and he looked and my chart, busted out the needle festival required for a fill and went to it.
Turns out I'd 'evaporated' about .2 cc's, so I was at 1.8 cc's. Seeing how I've lost about 19 pounds since that last fill, we opted for a 2.1cc total fill - .2 to get me back to where I was, and an additional .1 to compensate for the stomach shrinkage that likely occurred due to my weight loss. And now, a few days later, let me tell you: I am tight. It's kinda good though to come back to center; for example, on Thursday I had folks over for dinner. I ate:
- some cheese with a couple olives
- 5 or 6 small mussels
- 1 good-sized scallop (1.5 oz.), and a spoonful of califlower puree
- a few bites of key lime pie
- a few pieces of chocolate
Not a banner healthy meal, but my point is the quantity. I was able to eat considerably more pre-fill. The fun right now is that post-fill "i know i'm losing weight" feeling. Now that I'm exercising outdoors mostly, I realize I need to finally break down and buy a scale. I've always been anti-scale, but I do think it will keep me on my toes...
The last thing I want to share is a little epiphany I had. So, I've been slow to understand why my weight loss has slowed. Granted, user error has had an impact - a little too much going out, a little sugar here and there, and since I wasn't filled properly, I have had occasional hunger and eaten in response to it at 'non-meal times.' Ok, so there. That makes sense.
But here's the thing mentally I put together: My surgeon had told me to start talking with the plastic surgeon when I got to 180. When I broke 200, I basically stalled out...and I think part of why is that I am still utterly terrified at the notion of getting plastics, of having that kind of intense surgery, of being franken-body afterwards with scars from here to Canada... so as I started to think I was getting "too close" to 180, I think I had a mental block. If I think too much about it, I start to have a little panic attack...or cry...
So it dawned on my that the Plastic Surgery Police aren't beating down my door with a billy club. I don't have to have plastics at 180, 150, or ever for that matter. And this is exactly how it was for me about the lap-band; for a long time, I'd think of it and it would make me anxious/cry and I'd just think, "i'm not ready"... so in terms of plastics: I'm not ready. I don't have to be, but I do have to finish losing my weight. So I feel like I uncorked myself and am raring to go now! It's just funny the things that scare us, and how they impact so much.
Sorry it's taken me a couple days to post. My surgeon appointment on Tuesday actually went quite well - to my surprise, I lost a pound. Yep, just one. And while in some ways that should be devastating - we are talking a month here - it wasn't *at all*. I was delighted not to gain really.
So, I was going to wait to get a fill until after my work trip next week (to Manila, in the Philippines), followed by a weekend in NYC to celebrate my 35th birthday...oh yeah, and then a couple days in Portland, OR for work...so I'm basically traveling from May 31 - June 18. BUT, then I thought, "did'ja drop $18K to stay fat then?" and my answer was a big, fat NO. So, when my doc came in I said, "we need to do a fill" and he looked and my chart, busted out the needle festival required for a fill and went to it.
Turns out I'd 'evaporated' about .2 cc's, so I was at 1.8 cc's. Seeing how I've lost about 19 pounds since that last fill, we opted for a 2.1cc total fill - .2 to get me back to where I was, and an additional .1 to compensate for the stomach shrinkage that likely occurred due to my weight loss. And now, a few days later, let me tell you: I am tight. It's kinda good though to come back to center; for example, on Thursday I had folks over for dinner. I ate:
- some cheese with a couple olives
- 5 or 6 small mussels
- 1 good-sized scallop (1.5 oz.), and a spoonful of califlower puree
- a few bites of key lime pie
- a few pieces of chocolate
Not a banner healthy meal, but my point is the quantity. I was able to eat considerably more pre-fill. The fun right now is that post-fill "i know i'm losing weight" feeling. Now that I'm exercising outdoors mostly, I realize I need to finally break down and buy a scale. I've always been anti-scale, but I do think it will keep me on my toes...
The last thing I want to share is a little epiphany I had. So, I've been slow to understand why my weight loss has slowed. Granted, user error has had an impact - a little too much going out, a little sugar here and there, and since I wasn't filled properly, I have had occasional hunger and eaten in response to it at 'non-meal times.' Ok, so there. That makes sense.
But here's the thing mentally I put together: My surgeon had told me to start talking with the plastic surgeon when I got to 180. When I broke 200, I basically stalled out...and I think part of why is that I am still utterly terrified at the notion of getting plastics, of having that kind of intense surgery, of being franken-body afterwards with scars from here to Canada... so as I started to think I was getting "too close" to 180, I think I had a mental block. If I think too much about it, I start to have a little panic attack...or cry...
So it dawned on my that the Plastic Surgery Police aren't beating down my door with a billy club. I don't have to have plastics at 180, 150, or ever for that matter. And this is exactly how it was for me about the lap-band; for a long time, I'd think of it and it would make me anxious/cry and I'd just think, "i'm not ready"... so in terms of plastics: I'm not ready. I don't have to be, but I do have to finish losing my weight. So I feel like I uncorked myself and am raring to go now! It's just funny the things that scare us, and how they impact so much.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Surgeon Tomorrow
I fear my first gain! I just don't feel like I've been losing and it's all my fault...so perhaps tomorrow I'll get snapped back into shape when I go to my surgeon. I'll post some photos then too, but I gotta warn you, i don't feel like I look any different.
That said, my pal Anhl said I should post some of my naked photos, or at least a "decent" segment of me naked...so here are two "before & afters" of my legs. Still no model, but my god, what an improvement, no? The before shots even gross me out a little, so it's ok if they have the same effect on you. Cellulite...ewwwww....
More tomorrow after my 8-month appointment! Yikes!
I fear my first gain! I just don't feel like I've been losing and it's all my fault...so perhaps tomorrow I'll get snapped back into shape when I go to my surgeon. I'll post some photos then too, but I gotta warn you, i don't feel like I look any different.
That said, my pal Anhl said I should post some of my naked photos, or at least a "decent" segment of me naked...so here are two "before & afters" of my legs. Still no model, but my god, what an improvement, no? The before shots even gross me out a little, so it's ok if they have the same effect on you. Cellulite...ewwwww....
More tomorrow after my 8-month appointment! Yikes!
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